Fire, G and Blackmama came out yesterday to help out and came today for the wedding/reception/party.
Fire and G came stag but together. The cutest pairing was Blackmama and Madam W. Blackmama invited her when Madam W said it had been a long time since she had been to a wedding or a party.
Fire gave me a signal from far away to get my ass over there and listen. I had such a hard time keeping myself from laughing.
When Madam W was introduced to a stuck up village socialite snob that thinks she is the best there is, Madam W introduced Blackmama as her attendant.
Mrs. Walter, as she likes to be called (stuffy old cow), asked how Madam W found her attendant and wondered if they were hard to train.
Madam W said her great-great-great-grandmother had deeded Blackmama’s whole family to her a hundred years ago. Her father was her houseman, her mother the cook, her sister was her personal bath attendant and her brother was her chauffeur.
[Side note: Does anyone know what a chauffer (missing u) is? Answer: A table stove or small furnace, usually a cylindrical box of sheet iron, with a grate at the bottom, and an open top. Sometimes I can not speell so Google comes to the rescue but not always.]
Afterwards Madam W apologized for having fun but Blackmama said it was the greatest experience she ever had. She told us she had never acted before and had whispered to Madam W for guidelines. Madam W came up with most of it.
A few times when Mrs. Walters asked something Blackmama would lean over to Madam W and get a quick explanation of what the words meant. She did it like no one was watching – it was great.
Madam W asked for a ‘pick-me-up’ and Blackmama disappeared and returned with a pill and a glass of whiskey.
Madam W did not hesitate, she swallowed them both, coughed hard and thanked her.
Mrs. Walter ordered Blackmama to get her the same thing, referring to Blackmama as ‘you’. Madam W warned her that Blackmama did not always take orders from others.
Mrs. Walter let it be known that she better take orders or she would be sure to do something about it. Typical Mrs. Stupid old cow response.
Blackmama returned with a pill and a glass that I knew did not contain whiskey. It looked liked warm pee – I hoped not.
Mrs. Walter swallowed the pill and glass of liquid and started choking just like Madam W. Her face turned white but after a few minutes she seemed to recover.
Madam W spoke with Fire and I about all her buildings and Mrs. Walter could not contain herself trying to outdo us.
I finally asked Mrs. Walter the number and value of the properties she owned. When she answered five and half a million, Blackmama commented to Madam W it was not very much.
Mrs. Walter wanted her punished immediately for being so uppity.
Madam W asked whatever for.
Fire and I both had to turn away. Blackmama leaned towards Madam W and wondered how this indigent person had been invited to such a grand affair. Keep in mind this was the rehersal dinner last afternoon/evening, not the weeding.
Madam W said she would find out and left telling Blackmama to keep her seat warm. Blackmama put a napkin on the chair but just hovered over it – she did not make contact. The gleam in her eye made Fire laugh.
Mrs. Walter was not happy – she wanted to know how many properties Madam W had. G, using her sweet fuck you voice told her that to join our club you must have at minimum twenty properties and a net worth of at least twenty million.
Mrs. Walter asked who was in the club and we all raised our hands, even the teens. About twelve of us had gathered to watch Blackmama’s performance.
Mrs. Walters seemed to shrink realizing she was way out of her league but she still had her nose way up in the air.
Madam W came back, Blackmama removed the napkin and pretended to polish the seat and helped Madam W sit.
Madam W said that Pops apologized to them all - he does not know how she got past his security. He offered to remove her but she declined for us all – we’d be moving into the cabin soon for our gourmet dinner.
She totally ignored Mrs. Walter even though Mrs. Walter said she did not sneak past security but Liz, who had the floor, totally ignored her and told about this poor old lady who got kicked out of a party for farting too much.
Madam W stood up and thanked Liz reminding her. She told Blackmama she needed to use the restroom. Blackmama asked if she would need her hemorrhoid stuff. Madam W said not this time.
Mrs. Walter was surprised Madam W let ‘her’ use the same bathroom. Madam W stopped and with a look of disgust asked Mrs. Walter how else would she get her ass wiped.
She did a harump and walked away. I excused myself and followed them to the pool bathroom. When I opened the door laughter stopped immediately until they saw me.
Then we all lost it. Blackmama asked if she fired and before I could answer Madam W told her she had a job for her and she would not have to supply the toilet paper.
Liz came in and said that Mrs. Walter was wondering where her section was. She could not think of anything so she told her she would go ask.
Blackmama said she would handle it and asked Liz to help her. By the time Madam W and I had composed ourselves and made our way back to Mrs. Walters, Liz told her to go to the orange fence then turn right and follow it to the end.
Blackmama gave her about two minutes then followed her. Liz grabbed a video camera and ran to the second deck – she yelled that the old fart was headed for the porta-potties.
Blackmama came back after about 5 minutes with a big smile on her face.
Liz came downstairs and was upset she was only able to get a little audio but not much. A tree blocked her view. Liz said Blackmama used so many fifteen dollar words she was sure Mrs. Walters missed the whole point.
Blackmama told her that’s why she gave Mrs. Walters a dictionary so that she could look up the words.
A few minutes later we heard Mrs. Walters complaining to Pops that someone’s slave had been extremely rude and needed to be punished.
We girls ran to see what would happen next. Blackmama rounded the corner and Mrs. Walters pointed her out. Pops looked at Mrs. Walters, the sheriff and mayor then motioned Mrs. Walters over to the fence.
He bent towards her and apologized that he would be not be able to solve her problem. As a matter of fact, after careful consideration and discussion – we all watched Mrs. Walters assume her position of authority – Pops was very happy to give her the following message. She smiled and seemed to grow even taller.
None of us had any idea what was coming. Pops indicated everyone around him and told Mrs. Walters that we had all reached the same decision and agreed that she could go fuck herself.
Blackmama and Madam W lost it. Liz sat down on the floor. Momtoo grabbed her crotch and ran for the bathroom. Mom watched Mrs. Walters and asked if she needed some Depends or an ambulance.
Mrs. Walters, red in the face, waddled towards the exit. Blackmama commented that the little people had to use the service entrance on the side. A guard directed Mrs. Walters towards the side of the cabin.
Pops asked what started it all. Madam W said Mrs. Walters commented on all the undesirables at the party and wondered how Pops and his family could be friends with such ‘people’ especially when they had so many dark friends.
I later found out the pill was a sugar pill and the drink was watered tea with an extreme amount of lemon.
Mom was glad we would not see her again and was sure if she did show up they would only have to let it be known that Madam W was on the way.
The rest of the evening was spent listening to Madam W telling her stories. It was a great time. At one point she had an audience of about seventy in the great room.
Mom told her she had a standing invitation – just give her an hour’s notice so that she could hide the silver.
Madam W said she was too late.
Blackmama said she had taught her everything she knew.
We had a great time.
Posts for Saturday, October 11, 2008 (archive)
The Madam W and Blackmama Show – Oct 11 2008 by Dani
Posted at 8:02 PM
The Rehersal Dinner – Oct 11 2008 by Dani
Posted at 6:24 PMWhen my people put on a wedding, you have to rename it – was it a wedding inside of a party? Some kind of ball? A fall festival? A celebration? A bash? A gala? A coming out party?
You should have seen the teens decked out (is that right? Pops term) for the wedding – my goodness they looked like young ladies in their twenties and for once they acted like it. We were so proud of them.
I know – we’ll call it an ‘informal do’.
(Thanks Google and Answers.com).
The ‘do’ started last night.
We had a hell of a party last night at the rehersal dinner. Pops had security here last night and they estimated a crowd of five hundred.
A quick explanation – in the fall Pops extends an open invitation to the community to celebrate many things. Usually we have hot dogs, chips, pork & beans, a big bon fire, and beer and a band and dancing –usually country. Some people call it the fall festival but this year was a different theme. It was a feast.
All you needed to know was Moms middle name. Pops changes it for each party. He tells the people at the bar, at Lucy’s restaurant and the mayor and sheriff of the local village. The rest of it is word of mouth. If you don’t know it, you can not get on the bus and you only get one chance.
Visitors MUST be on their best behavior. Use the word fuck in front of a lady and Cheese will throw your ass in the river. No kidding. Don’t like something – better not complain or you will be told how to resolve that complaint and it involves walking back to town with your head up your ass.
All kids are welcome but the adults can not act like kids – unless they are cute AND good kids.
Everything is outside – admittance to the cabin requires a background check and one of us accompanying your every move.
This year, fences were setup preventing people access to the wedding tents, the boat house and cabin proper.
You can not drive here – the road is closed except to people who live somewhere on the road. To come to the ‘do’ you park at the Wal-Mart and catch a shuttle bus, if you know the password. When you get back to Wal-Mart someone will make sure you are sober enough to drive and if not, you can sleep for a while on a cot in a tent or take a cab or call a friend.
This year, we had two sets of shuttle buses. The wedding party and the village party. We had a few confused people last night but Cheese had one of his people at each venue to make sure every got where they belonged.
The year we celebrated many things – Pops made a list and Moms added a few things and some of us added personal things to the lists in the house. B and gB were embarrassed by some but gB added getting boobs to the bottom with a smile and blush – Pops changed it to BIG boobs. He does have his fun.
The list? In another post called Celebrations.
The party ended at 2 am when the beer ran out. All of the wedding guests had left by then –Stubby, Pops and Captain stayed up to party with them and make sure everyone left.
All the rest of us in the cabin were in bed by midnight. You see, we had a wedding this morning.
Posts for Friday, October 10, 2008 (archive)
A Beautiful Day - Oct 10 2008 by Dani
Posted at 4:41 PMThis has been an absolutely beautiful day – perfect if you were to ask me.
Pops would not let us go to Grannie’s – was not sure if we might be needed. The florists setup the flowers and decorated the tents, decks and great room. They had not planned to do the boat but gave it a gallant attempt when asked.
There are over 1000 roses, all different colors in so many different arrangements. Many are singles with a plastic test tube attached to provide water and nourishment.
Moms told Pops this is what they wanted for their next anniversary.
Moms and Red went over their notes and plans. So far everything is going just fine and is all on schedule.
Captain has nine BBQs going out in the driveway and side yard. He is cooking pigs and a side of beef for the rehearsal dinner and the future. It smells so good each time someone opens the garage door.
Liz won the Moms/Pops pool – they came down at 8:15 looking like they had not yet been to bed according to gB. Mom asked what her what she thought that meant and gB without hesitation said that somebody was getting lucky.
It was so funny. Now every time one of the Moms leaves we ask if they are going to get lucky. Once Mom grabbed Pops and dragged him up the stairs. He protested she had already got lucky four times today. He did not get away.
A little while later Pops walked up to the balcony and announced to the world that Mom had just got lucky.
I heard one of the decorators ask who Mom was. I yelled for her and she came to the balcony. I told the decorator that was Mom – she is giving a special two for one today – and I left.
I have not heard anything yet.
Liz s learning how to make margaritas but she CAN’T taste test them – she must leave that up to Momtoo. I commented to Liz that Momtoo, the lightweight, would not last long and she could take over the testing.
Liz took one sip and said it was terrible. I told her to give it a chance – might take a few years to get use to it but once she did, it would be a luxury.
Momtoo told her that was the point, they taste terrible until the tequila kicks in then they become addictive. She might be right.
Still have not met anyone interesting but the old marm did stop by my desk and say my outfit (shorts and sweater w/tennis shoes) today was MUCH sexier than yesterday. WHAT?
The distributor is here setting up the bars and beer tubs. The bar tenders are here setting up the bar backs and figuring out where their cooling trailers will be parked.
Pops and Captain decided they did not want too much traffic on the lawns so Cheese took a barge to the distributors dock and loaded beer trucks and tap trailers and tubs on board and then parked it at the dock this morning.
One of Cheese’s guys is using a 4-wheeler to move the trailers and tubs around. Cheese is laying 2 by 12s for the beer trucks to park on. It sure looks to me like we might be expecting thousands of people. I’ve never asked and don’t see anyone that knows.
Jeni is due here at 6 pm. BBs is picking her up from the airport. As far as I know, everyone else has arrived. Jeni staying here just to make everything easy.
We girls got a peek at her wedding gown that the shop delivered today. As Mom said, it is breath taking. Annie wondered about its cost and William whispered it was worth more than all of our cars together. There were eight of us there with cars, 2 with customized Stangs, two with Mercedes and three Cadillac SUVs and one expensive foreign job. They would not let us examine it closer but it must have diamond buttons or something.
Stubby took many of the heartier guests on a tour of our peninsula – he was staying on the paved roads until one of them said they were not afraid of the woods. Stubby phoned for help – he needed someone to take over the pavement pounders while he took the cave dwellers in deeper.
Henry and Rose went to help him. Debby was going to go but her morning sickness is really bad. Moms asked if she had tried their suggestion. Debby said she had not found a good candidate. Moms said they would help.
I can’t wait.
Well that’s about it for now. I imagine I will be busy when the party starts in about an hour so don’t be surprised if we are silent until Monday.
So Many Guests – Oct 10 2008 345 by Dani
Posted at 4:00 AMI hate when strangers walk through my domain. I feel violated even raped.
I know that all these people know Jeni or William – and I know they would not be here if they were not trusted. I know, I know , I KNOW. I still don’t have to like it.
When the teens and I went to get Moms, they commented that there were not very many ‘good looking’ or interesting people. I honestly had not paid attention.
But when we got back we all noticed. How could this be? Maybe our expectations were too high – or maybe everyone was too drunk for us to gauge their appeal.
I was sober, as were the teens but Pops was wasted and Moms soon joined him. They said we were wrong – bull.
We decided to spend the night at Red’s. William had hired four small buses to move people between the resort and the cabin. We caught a ride to across the street and went to bed.
B woke me up at 3 am saying she was really hungry – we did not really eat supper last night, we just grazed the buffet table.
When gB came in complaining Liz woke and we decided to come back to the cabin.
Lucy and Captain were already cooking for the breakfast buffet. We got it hot off the stove and it was GREAT – we all ate too much. Then B realized we did not have school today – in fact we have nothing to do until the rehearsal dinner tonight.
We are all looking for suggestions. Liz wondered about Pops and B reminded her Moms were home. They started a pool (thanks for teaching that Pops) on what time they will come down.
Liz suggested we drive up to Grannie’s – I agreed but we have to make sure we don’t have any chores.
We’ve decided to take a nap and let our asses grow a couple of inches from breakfast.
Oh well.
Posts for Thursday, October 9, 2008 (archive)
Constant Arrivals – Oct 9 2008 1825 by Dani
Posted at 8:54 PMThis place is like an airport terminal. We have people coming , meeting others and then going – usually someplace together.
Almost the entire fourth floor from William’s office is here – that’s the executive floor. Almost thirty of Jeni’s former co-workers, some of them from Canada and others from Californicator made the trip.
They have most of the two floors at the local resort. Jeni and William’s parents and other close family are staying at Captain’s B&B – their first paying customers.
Captain brought the boat out of dry dock – said he needs experience winterizing it anyway. Stubby’s first trip was 35 people.
From the 3rd deck you cannot see the yard for all the tents. Two tents have A/C – that is crazy - but it will be 80 on Saturday.
William just asked me to go pick up a friend at the airport. Should only be one person – he handed me the keys to his Porsche – I almost came when I started it up. I stopped at Red’s and borrowed one of B’s miniskirts – I am terrible. His friend will never forget this ride, right?
Except his friend was a school marm, about 70, with a million dollars of jewelry on display. She wondered how I was able to get in and out of the car with that skirt.
I said that was the point – she asked if I was William’s mistress. I should have said yes but instead I explained.
William gave me a dirty look when I got her back to the cabin.
I told him next time describe who I was picking up. He said no need – I would not be helping anymore
Sorry – teens sidetracked me. We had to get away for some peace and quiet. We’ve met too many people and suffered many an idiot.
Well, almost time to go get Moms, we can’t wait. Later.
Liz and Ghosts – Oct 9 2008 654 by Dani
Posted at 7:06 AMLiz screamed, jumped out of her chair and landed on her butt. She had to change her pants – she peed them.
It was so funny. Pops asked her to Google something when she came down from her shower. She was reading something on Wiki when the ‘program’ triggered.
It was so funny. Lisa, who knew it was coming, still shrieked when Liz screamed.
Captain got it on video. It was so funny. Now B and gB refuse to open their laptops.
Liz asked Pops where the program was and she has sent it to all my office girls.
I told you it was going to be a fun day.
I Am Getting Married – Oct 9 2008 by Jeni
Posted at 6:40 AMDani asked me to write a post about my pending doom – her words not mine.
I am visiting my parents as a free woman one last time before William puts his collar and leash on me (that makes me hornier than I already am).
My little sister is being great for once. Usually we argue all our waking time. Mom and Dad said they did not talk to her or intervene – she is doing it all on her own. I always knew I had a good sister.
I went out with a few of my old friends that are not coming to the wedding. We lost touch after my first disaster and don’t talk much. I wanted to make sure they could come if they wanted and that I was buying. No takers. It does not bother me at all.
I ran into a couple of old flames and had some interesting conversations. I guess my old husband had been poking butt holes far longer then I thought.
One of them hit on me. I asked the waiter for a steak knife and winked at him. When he brought it I put it down my pants and said they could have whatever was behind it IF they could get their dicks past the knife.
No takers – I was in a really rowdy mood. Mom wondered if I was ready for a child. She meant physically but I was thinking mentally. It was not a good conversation.
My Dad picked up his tux – it was too big – he has lost a lot of weight in the last month – Mom says he is not eating much and doing lots of walking.
When I asked about his workout he was confused at first and finally admitted he had lots on his mind. He promised it was not me but I am not sure.
Mom said they had a big surprise for me – two of them actually. She knows about one but not the other. I have no idea what to expect.
So in about 50 hours I will have pledged my pussy to a man for life – I am sure glad he knows how stupid that can be. I will pledge it to him for the next 10 years or more and pump him out some kids.
At least I hope so.
By the way, I have purposely written this as if the institution of marriage sucks. Just for you William, just for you.
In real life – I cannot wait to be led to the slaughter – I asked my dad to bring the meat tenderizer – if William is going to own me, I will take his dick just the way I want it.
And now he gets to wonder if I am happy and just giving him shit or if there is a ‘real’ reason I will not fuck him until we reach the honeymoon suite.
And honey, how about you bring some meat tenderizer too? Just in case my dad forgets. Thanks.
Debby Update – Oct 9 2008 510 by Dani
Posted at 5:37 AMI forgot to mention Debby in all my ramblings. She stopped by last evening and let me see the results of all the tests.
Everything looks great. She is really getting sick after waking each morning. Anything she eats or drinks stays down about five seconds.
I sent an email to Moms and the classmates for advice but they must be sucking tits somewhere (damn I am awful).
Debby only works three days a week and even those days are short ones. She cannot get use to it. She confided that between the two jobs she is making almost as much as she was working fulltime but working less than half the time.
Henry and his wife have kicked Rose out of her room and are remodeling it into a nursery. Rose moved in with Debby and will take the room over when Debby moves into Jeni and William’s place. Debby has been given the job of keeping her foot up the contractors ass.
At first he told her middle of November – now it’s the end of October – Debby is hoping for end of next week by Monday morning. She must have big feet.
Mom just responded that a healthy dose of come usually calmed her stomach while I was living inside her. Debby is still laughing – she said just think – I’ve been ingesting sperm since before I was born.
I promised I would ask her mom about her sperm intake – she told me to call an ambulance first – she would probably have a heart attack.
I sent Mom a message asking if she had ever had intimate or sexual conversations with Debby’s mom. No answer yet. I also asked if she was teasing and if I was breast fed after delivery and was her diet laden with sperm.
It is going to be a fun day.
Ghost Update – Oct 9 2008 415 by Dani
Posted at 4:35 AMLiz has hidden some very small wireless cameras in flower pots that will decorate the deck for the wedding.
She is completely absorbed in exposing the ghost. She has kept the kids out of it – she told me last night that they know too much about life and she was not going to educate them any more. I laughed – I wondered if she thought she could really control that. She never answered me.
About ten minutes ago she told me the ghost came last night. It must know that a crew will be here tonight installing lights and outlets for the tents.
She got some great pictures. When she showed me I had to laugh – no details at all. It seems that the deck lights, controlled by motion, never turned on. When Liz found the pictures on her laptop she walked to the boathouse to check on the motion detector. It worked fine and Liz showed me the pictures of herself.
All detail was perfect. It seems that the lights failed only when the ghost was visiting. Captain and Stubby both report that the lights were working fine last night.
Pops showed Liz how to check the security video cameras. They are motion or heat or light dependent. They only triggered when Captain and Stubby walked across the deck last night. For some reason they did not detect Liz on her walk.
Pops is calling it all mysterious and keeps oooohing and aaaahing in a creepy voice.
Have you ever seen that webpage where you stare at the screen and after a few seconds a scary picture with screams as sound effects pops up? Momtoo peed her pants the first time she saw it. Mom tried to knock the monitor out. I wonder what Liz will do. I screamed and fell out of my chair.
Anyway, Pops has installed that on Liz’s computer but she has yet to surf the net this morning. He laid a towel on her chair back this morning telling her she might need it later.
She is distracted checking on him every few minutes. I am trying not to laugh. Lisa just laughs and blames it on something she just read.
Darn, the kids just got here – they are going running with Stubby and Captain. Liz may not surf anything until she gets to school. Pops will have to disable that otherwise she will get in trouble.
I use to have an infrared video camera. I just remembered it. I’ll try to find it and put it in a tree next to the third deck pointing down to the second deck. It takes some pretty cool video.
Update For Oct 9 2008 350 by Dani
Posted at 4:14 AMMoms are due home this evening. Red can not wait. She needs them to double check her work and make sure everything is ready for the wedding. Fire, G, Summer and Blackmama have all reviewed but Moms are the final test.
Jeni went home Sunday to spend some time with her family and get away from William for the week. Absence makes the heart fonder (and hopefully greatly increases his sperm output).
BBs and I checked our dresses for fit last weekend – about the third time since they were finished.
Pops said most of the tents will arrive today and by tomorrow afternoon it will look like a circus is in town.
The weather will be wonderful all weekend. The wedding is Saturday morning with a reception that will last until Sunday. William and Jeni are leaving for the honeymoon Sunday evening.
I heard William complain to Pops that he was not going to get laid until they got to the honeymoon resort. Jeni wants to stay drunk from rehearsal dinner to boarding the plane. I am not sure if he was teasing or not.
The teens are all in the wedding and they can not wait. Moms even asked that they take Friday off school to help.
Jeni wanted the extended reception which includes Sat and Sun brunch. We are not having a rehearsal but are having a rehearsal dinner – Captain insisted he cook it. He has several friends coming to help serve and keep us in alcohol.
Lucy and G’s brother are working together to cater Sat and Sun. Mom can not remember ever renting a caterer for all meals in a 48 hour period.
Everyone is excited and in great moods. I can not wait.
We rented two floors at the local resort for Jeni’s relatives. Red and Fire were concerned it might not be clean enough so they sent a cleaning crew and blocked off access to the floors.
Pops thinks that is the funniest thing.
So we’ll be partying all weekend. Good luck getting any posts.
Posts for Wednesday, October 8, 2008 (archive)
Why Are We Sick? – Oct 8 2008 1220 by Dani
Posted at 12:31 PMPops is trying to figure out how we all got sick. The classmates have not been here since Saturday. Lisa and I did not go to school yesterday and only saw the classmates for a few minutes Monday.
And so far we all got sick once and it is over. The teens even went horseback riding they are feeling so good and it is such a beautiful day.
I called the classmates and they are fine. I even called our instructor – he is at school – same thing, sickness lasted about three hours.
Captain says he knows it was not in his head and Stubby says his private parts know it too.
Red called wanting to drop Fish by. She said when she called the school to report the girls being sick, the receptionist said they had over thirty calls so far.
So I guess one of those three hour stomach viruses flew by.
Pops finished his famous pancakes for lunch. We eat them one at a time covered with butter, fruit and syrup. Pops has four electric griddles and six pan griddles on the stove plus the built in griddle in the island that can cook four pancakes.
He has a system to pour the pancakes – 8 inches round - come back and turn them and brush with butter then remove them on the next pass pouring more as he goes.
I’ve seen him keep 12 people eating for a half hour. Pops times things to let him eat one between pouring and the first flip.
Anyway, we were all full and no one got sick. As I said the kids went riding and it’s been almost two hours – they are either fine or so sick they can’t get home.
Captain saw them on the other side of the river a while ago so we figure they are fine.
I just noticed the trees are starting to turn. I bet it’s going to be beautiful this year.
Well, maybe another little nap then write a story about Stubby and his village.
My Dreams – Oct 8 2008 630 by Dani
Posted at 6:47 AMI keep having weird dreams about falling into a river. There are several different versions – but I always end up falling into a river.
I do not recognize it – I do recognize other people in the dream but I always end up in the river alone swimming towards a bridge I do not recognize and never seem to get closer to.
Pops says I need to go swimming. Captain says to take a dip in the river. Liz told me to get laid – she is always so helpful.
Lisa woke me at 3 to start studying – we have a test today. Pops made us a ‘flash’ program that lets us put in the questions with answers then it will quiz us. Liz is looking through our notes and textbook adding questions for us.
B and gB came over looking for breakfast but no one has seen Captain. Pops said he would make his famous pancakes (so thin you can see through them) if the girls would get the fruit ready.
Stubby came down and went over to check on Captain. It is very unlike him not to appear when the teens are around.
Stubby came back and said he was very sick. gB had not eaten yet but she ended up being sick too. Then B and finally Liz.
Lisa and I both took a double dose of AD – we probably won’t be able to poop for a week.
Cg1 texted us saying they were skipping the test – they were both sick. Red called and said Fish was sick and she was not feeling good.
Lisa figured we better be on the safe side so she called the instructor who had changed his message to he was sick along with half the class so the test was cancelled until further notice.
We all went back to bed – even Pops – to get a head start on getting better.
I was just getting ready to climb the stairs when Captain came in – he told Pops we needed to invest in a hospital grade air purification system. Liz told him we needed a staff of nurses and good dope – then she ran to the bathroom.
Lisa yelled for me to be prepared – the medicine was not working. Damn I hate being sick – but the thought of skipping school always makes me happy – ever since I was about eight years old.
Then another part of my dream came to me – I kept trying to swim to the bridge but I kept getting sick – over and over again.
Posts for Tuesday, October 7, 2008 (archive)
A Ghost? - Oct 7 2008 825 by Dani
Posted at 9:14 PMI almost forgot about my eight o’clock appointment – I was not sure why I was there except I am a voyeur.
But nothing happened. I saw a cigarette glow on the third deck at the front of the house and made my way up there.
I was able to see the second deck the entire time. Stubby and Lisa were quietly talking when I interrupted them. Stubby gave me a cigarette and I was momentarily blinded by his lighter.
Lisa asked what I was doing and I explained. We all moved to the rail so that we could see better and Lisa pointed out what looked like a figure in a white robe behind one of the columns.
We were straining to see it when we all jumped and Lisa even shrieked a little when Liz commented whoever it is shows up on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday.
At Lisa’s scream the robed person disappeared towards the boat house. Liz was prepared and pushed a button that illuminated the boat house walkways remotely.
We saw the back of the robe going into the boathouse but it seemed to be really flimsy. Stubby told us to watch for anyone leaving and he ran to the boathouse.
He came back about five minutes later and reported he found nothing – everything was locked up – Captain was playing chess with B in the great room and did not have company.
We were all quiet wondering what to do next when Pops came out. He lit a cigarette and asked if we had seen the ghost yet.
We were all surprised and he told us the ghost usually appeared in September and disappeared after Halloween. No one knew who it was – and if someone tried to hide on the deck it would not appear.
Pops setup camera a couple of years ago but never got anything. Normally we are back home by Labor Day for the year.
This will be my first fall at the cabin. Liz says it has to be someone we know but I can think of no one.
Another thought – Pops said this is the first year the boathouse was here – they have to know the property well to have gotten away from Stubby.
Liz wondered why none of us believed it was a real ghost. Pops said he had never heard of a ghost having sex before.
So we all saw something – just not sure what – and it appears Liz is NOT the mysterious robed one. I have to get to bed – it has been a long day.
Sailor’s Daughter – Oct 7 2008 1430 by Dani
Posted at 4:13 PMOn the way home to get the kids from school Liz asked how long Red and Kim had been fucking each other. I told her not long.
She asked if Jim had a big dick, was normal sized or pussy forbid, smaller then normal. I was relieved – she was not as experienced as I thought.
She mentioned that Mr. Nerd looked about the same size. I choked on my bottled water.
I let her talk – I could no longer act like her mama. She wondered how Summer and Annie had found each other – I asked how she knew – she asked if I could not tell Annie and Summer had just had sex. I laughed and asked how long she had known.
She told me B had warned her the first weekend on the boat. I wondered where B got her radar.
She asked if I thought Mr. Nerd would have a stroke if she screwed him. I asked her to slow down – four days ago she was sixteen and today she was talking about fucking her boyfriend.
After a few minutes she asked again. I laughed and asked if she was the mystery robed slut on the balcony. She said no, paused and said she was not a slut and did not really like robes.
I told her I gave up. She told me to watch the balcony tonight about 8 – maybe I would get my answers but make sure no one saw me.
Then some idiot almost ran her off the road - she called him names I have never heard then punched it to catch up to him. She smiled sweetly at him then almost put my door in his lap. He stopped beside the road. She apologized to me calling herself a sailor's daughter. She has the same temper as Stubby AND Lisa.
She said she had another problem to worry about – her boyfriend was only 17 – if she fucked him was she committing rape? She told me she would call the sheriff - I suggested the court house – she told me that place had already given her enough bad news for one week.
When B and gB got in the car I asked where gB’s boyfriend was. She said he was in detention for telling a teacher to kiss his ass. Liz asked which teacher and was surprised. gB said that B had tricked him – he thought he was telling B to fuck off.
I called a halt and said the f word was not appropriate for them period. They bitched a bit but settled down.
When we got home, Liz wanted ice cream so the girls setup the machines. They all have a different favorite flavor. Captain helped them mix everything and get the ice ready.
Pops wondered if we had any pie – Liz yelled at the teens and they were off to let Pops and Captain finish the ice cream.
That was their plan all along. Liz and the teens usually rode the 4-wheelers down to Lucy’s to pick up the pies Pops or Captain had ordered.
Today Pops started cussing as soon as he heard it. When he saw the tank head across the lawn he was cussing and digging for a phone. By the time he had dialed a number the tank had already crossed the first creek.
Pops hung up and told me to look at her go – she was a quick study. Captain wondered if she knew how to use the winch. Stubby said he had shown her many years ago how to winch barges together.
For those of you maybe not familiar – the tank is Pops 10 year old GMC 4x4 that has been heavily modified. Exhaust pipes welded shut and extending out of the fenders to above the cab.
Air intake borrowed from a cat that is also water proof and extends just as high as the exhaust.
The motor has been sealed against moisture and the floor boards have one way drains installed. The doors have two way seals and are supposedly water tight.
Any cloth in the interior has been removed to protect against mold and stink. I watched Stubby drive the tank into the river and completely submerge it except for the exhaust and air intake.
I found out later he had several tons of gravel in the bed – otherwise the tires would have let it float.
There are two paddles fastened to the roof of the cab inside – just in case the motor stalls.
Liz and the girls were back in less then ten minutes which Captain thinks is a record. The tank needs a good bath. Liz jumped the last creek – I usually slow down and drive through it – she jumped it and threw mud every where.
Stubby says he’ll go get a load of gravel to patch his road and give the tank a bath.
All Pops said was to ask permission the next time. Liz asked for permission for next time now so that she would not have to waste time.
Pops called and added her to his insurance policy as a stunt driver. He told the agent he was not kidding.
Damn Red and Her Libido – Oct 7 2008 1320 by Dani
Posted at 2:38 PMLiz and I decided to visit my office today. She wanted to see how it felt to be a big shot.
On the way in she asked if I would show her how to be a successful business woman – I told her we would both have to find someone – maybe Annie.
When we got to the office the guard had already alerted my office – my office knows everything that happens in my building at all times – thanks to the relationship with the guards.
Anyway, when Liz walked out of the elevator I held back – I know my girls. The applause embarrassed her and she pulled me along with her.
She gave a nice speech about how she deserved nothing – she just happened to be the lucky egg that some guy who got lucky made lucky.
Perfect for Liz - she promised not to change and if she did we all had permission to dunk her in Annie’s pool.
Annie who was hanging on Summer with her after orgasm glow – I can always tell – told those gathered to make sure we strip her first.
I had called to warn the office. G called her brother and picked up a cake with the appropriate message. She had also picked up some champagne and several glasses.
Fire told me that Red and the contractors had been here but must have left. I knew what they were probably doing. Kim told me she never knew how much fun women could be. I don’t think she knows about me yet.
It was raining when we came in and Liz wanted to hang up her rain coat and touch up her makeup. I unlocked my office door with out thinking and held it open for Liz.
When I heard Liz tell Jim not to stop on her account and then complimented him on his cock size I knew I had fucked up.
The rule was IF my office door was locked, knock first because those inside might be embarrassed. Since I set the rule you would think I would have found it odd my office was locked.
Liz walked right through to my bedroom telling Red and Kim they had nice tits. I followed her not looking at anyone but making sure I kept a grin on my face.
I turned at my bedroom door and told them Liz was sure growing up fast – be prepared for questions. Liz asked if she could watch Jim shoot. I answered that one for her as I closed my bedroom door.
She told me not to say a word – if she was not able to figure something out she would ask – otherwise she may not want to know. I laughed and she went back to the door and told them she could not hear them.
She peeked out and told Jim to make them moan and groan – she liked hearing that.
I found out later that Jim lost his erection at that moment – before that he was fine but for some reason hearing a child talk to him like that scared him.
Red advised him Liz was now legal and Kim said he was hard in seconds. He even gained his composure enough to ask Liz if she wanted to join them. That pissed me off until Liz told him no, she was sorry, his cock was not big enough.
We went out to cake and champagne – Liz declared it her favorite food.
When Red came out she asked about the knock policy – Liz wondered how she could have let herself get knocked up. It was so funny that even Red laughed.
When Kim came out I saw Liz talking with Red and Kim. I wondered what the topic was. Later I saw Liz talking to Jim. This I had to hear. I got there just in time to hear Liz ask how much he had spent to have a dick job.
I spit cake all over the wall and Liz was going to give me mouth to mouth until she saw me smiling and that my eyes were fine – she called Jim over to use his dick to clean out my air ways – or rotor-rooter my throat.
Blackmama laughed and laughed and finally ran to the bathroom. When she came out she asked Liz where she had ever heard that – she said she read it online. Now I am worried.
Answers – Oct 7 2008 1100 by Dani
Posted at 11:07 AMGot lots of people wondering what the hell is going on. Remember when Grannie gave me a surprise? Yes, I am being vague – if you are a faithful reader then you’ll know what I mean.
Someone got the same surprise except hers had been deeded to her almost a hundred years ago. And now my girls and I will help her acclimate to it.
A century old secret was answered today but only a few know the answers.
And now back to your normally scheduled programming.
Missing Posts – Oct 7 2008 845 by Dani
Posted at 9:17 AMIf you seem to be missing some posts I made last afternoon and evening, well, you are.
I went with Liz yesterday to the court house and a few other places and we did some research. It started out making sure how old Liz is.
The copy of the birth certificate we got yesterday and the one she had from her old school were hard to read. We were not sure if she was born in 90 or 89 – it is very hard to read. Pops suggested that it might even be 91.
Stubby solved that problem late last night when he produced the original birth certificate. She was born in 1990 so that makes her 18.
The other thing she was looking for opened so many other avenues that we both became overwhelmed. This morning after talking to her I killed my posts from last night.
Stubby came to the rescue and at 7 am we met with his people – lawyer, accountant, financial adviser, banker, and some guy that knew everything the others didn’t.
In summary, it is none of my business and as Pops says, if you did not experience something first hand or talk to the person who did, it is best to shut up and not start rumors that are not true or based on guesses.
One thing I did experience – Liz said she was quitting school. Pops put her over his knee and used his ping pong paddle to extract a promise form her that she would not stop her schooling until she got her PhD.
Stubby extracted a couple of other promises from her while Pops held her down.
One surprise came at 730 when Mr. Nerd showed up – he was worried about Liz. Liz smiled, walked to the door, gave him a big hug and kiss, which totally embarrassed him, and told him she would be busy for a couple of days but he could stop by after supper whenever he wanted.
Then she asked if he liked older women. He was confused until she told him she was 18 not 16. He asked if she liked younger men and she grabbed his ass – which made him blush even more.
Pops turned away and said under his breath – damn, another one. I am not sure what he was talking about.
Liz told everyone to chill, she was taking Mr. Nerd to school and she would be right back.
Stubby, who had sat out on the deck during the entire conversation usually with Pops and I beside him, came in wondering if something was wrong. The guy that knows everything? – he told Stubby his daughter needed a chastity belt.
Stubby told him he was too late. I do not know if Stubby knows something I don’t or if Stubby was joking, it is hard to tell but know-it-all just grimaced then chuckled.
Liz got back and Lisa asked if it was as good for her as it had been for her and Liz said she knew better – her dad was so uptight he would never be able to get it up until she talked to him. Lisa called her a bitch and said she was right.
Liz told the know-it-all to get busy – she was sure breakfast would be ready soon. We all heard Captain say about fucking time and heard him shuffle some pans and dishes around.
Pops and I went back outside with Stubby and even I had a cigarette. Stubby wondered if Liz would change and Pops said she will get worse. I told them the girls would not let her.
Pops agreed to some extent but now Liz was an adult and would be making several adult decisions that B and gB would not even begin to comprehend.
Before he finished the statement I was called back into the conference. Liz wondered if I wanted Strawberry or Blueberry muffins – HUH? She laughed.
Then I was handed a single piece of paper with just a few sentences. I called the office and asked for a conference call with everyone.
I swore all to secrecy and briefly explained the piece of paper.
Red had two or three questions, Fire wondered about a couple of things and Blackmama said she wanted a raise. Liz found that very funny.
In the end I repeated the secrecy clause, and signed my name. We had a new client.
Liz hopped from the table she was sitting on and told all the guys to talk to her people from now on and went outside.
She held out her hand, took the smoke and let Stubby light it. Then she hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
I started to leave and know-it-all asked a question - I told him to call my people and gave him a number. I went outside.
Pops came in wondering what happened and I handed him the paper. He saw the signature and asked how it felt.
I told him it was lonely at the top and decided I wanted another cigarette.
Captain came out and wondered if the others were staying for breakfast – they were all busy on the phone and ignored him.
Liz walked to the door and yelled at them that if just one of them ever ignored Captain again they would all be looking for new jobs. Captain chuckled and went back in.
Liz told her dad that this could be fun. Pops told her to hang on, things were about to get really crazy. Liz said it was his job to make sure that didn’t happen.
Pops wondered how he got sucked in. Liz asked if he was an officer with my company. All he said was damn.
Posts for Monday, October 6, 2008 (archive)
Pops and Captain are Broken Hearted – Oct 6 2008 by Dani
Posted at 9:30 AMAfter Cindy and Denny’s great news Saturday night, many gathered to watch the Cubs kick ass.
By the 7th inning, most everyone but Pops and Captain were gone or asleep.
Davis showed up late – the classmates had just gone to work – he was as upset as Pops. I was sitting with the teens and Red dropped by. She and Fish had been visiting his paternal grandparents.
When Pops and Captain saw Fish they actually ignored the game and started playing with him instead. He fell asleep at the top of the ninth inning.
No one watched the last two outs. Pops turned the TV back on after thirty minutes to make sure they were not still playing.
The Cubs were off topic for the rest of the weekend. Oh well.
Pops and Captain have said they will never watch the Cubs again. They are done.
At least the Sox are still in it.
Cindy’s Surprise – Oct 6 2008 by Dani
Posted at 9:10 AMSaturday was this month’s birthday party for October babies.
After Liz’s surprise we didn’t think there was much else that could surprise us. Cindy and Denny were here and Pops offered her a beer to go with the weenies and she turned him down.
I’ve got to know Cindy fairly well since she got here and it was unheard of her to turn down ANY alcohol.
I looked at her and she shrugged her shoulders – I let out a little scream and gave her a big hug. Denny asked that we give others a chance to guess. I agreed.
Annie said something to her later about her top – it was cute – it was also new. When Annie’s offer of a beer was refused, Annie asked if she felt OK. Yep, feel fine this evening.
Annie was thoughtful for a moment but started talking to Pops. Pops leaned over later and asked how many weeks – she said eight.
She pulled us aside and told us she had been using a diaphragm except when she was with Denny. And for the last twelve weeks she had stayed away from just about everyone.
We told her we had not even thought about that but she figured others would and we could give a quick answer to confirm the father.
Pops thought it was a neat plan. I was so happy I could not stop grinning. Many people caught on that something was up but I just shrugged when they asked.
I got Denny aside and asked if he had told his parents yet. Nope, just as soon as Annie figures it out. I asked to be the one to call and tease – he agreed, if Annie did. I asked if I could give Annie a few hints. No, he wanted the first to be a total surprise.
When we came back out Annie commented to us both that Cindy was looking very good. She had the glow back that she had when she first met her. I wanted to smack her.
I had all but given up when gB asked Cindy why she was not drinking. Cindy said she couldn’t right now it was not good for her. gB asked if she was pregnant or something.
Annie spun around and squealed – she could not talk for several minutes she was so excited. When she finally settled down everyone gave congratulations.
William and Jeni were full of questions and when Jeni heard her birth control technique her eyes lit up. She confided in me that she and William were missing some of the other people.
I called Annie and Denny’s parents with the bad news. I told them I have very, very bad news. They were asleep and came right awake. I told them that nature and their kids had just turned them into old farts.
Annie’s dad told me to quit joking around and tell them why I had really called. I told them that nature and their kids had just turned them into old farts.
Annie’s Mom figured it out and asked if they were now going to be called Grandparents. I gave the phone to Denny and went for another beer and weenie.
What a great surprise.
Liz’s Surprise – Oct 6 2008 by Dani
Posted at 8:15 AMLast Friday afternoon, BBs and Jeni arrived for the weekend. Pops asked Jeni to collect the girls from school and asked her to test drive Liz’s car.
Jeni called telling Pops the car was fantastic but she wondered if she was at the right school. Pops wondered why she thought that then he recovered. He apologized saying he had forgotten the kids were off school that day – he had just forgotten.
On top of it all, Stubby had asked to borrow Pops’ Roadmaster to take Liz driving about two hours before.
Liz and Stubby showed up right before Jeni got back and Liz seemed upset that her car was gone. As soon as Jeni got back, Liz hopped in, changed the music to her own, revved the motor a few times and waved at us.
She had asked us all to come out, she had something to show us. Then she did a burn out to the first corner and a slide around the corner then punched it.
Pops commented that she was never going to get her license driving like that. Stubby held something out to Pops. Pops took it and was very surprised. He handed it to me – it was a state ID.
Liz had gotten her driver’s license and a state ID. Pops wondered how she had gotten it early. Her birthday was not until Saturday. I looked at her birthday and started counting with my fingers.
I always have trouble with years and have always used my fingers. I counted twice and commented that Liz was 18 according to the date on her ID.
William took it and said they must have made a mistake. That’s when Stubby handed Pops a piece of paper and Stubby walked away.
Pops looked at it, handed it to William and then Lisa gave us the news.
First, Stubby thought his daughter was sixteen. He had lost several years of life with her and many of those years were spent in an alcoholic haze.
Stubby had dug out her birth certificate. When he showed Lisa she made fun of him – it was the worse thing she could have done.
Second, Stubby thought the minimum age to get a driver’s license was eighteen. He never had a license – only rode his trike and had never been stopped. He drove a tractor but had never driven anything else with more then three wheels besides the 4-wheelers.
Lisa said that Liz was studying for the test when she noticed the age requirements. She had passed all the tests and had plenty of driver’s training at her old school.
All she needed was 4 hours of driving when she got her permit. She just never told anyone.
So surprise, surprise – our Liz is a little older then we thought – she seems to be a very good driver – and her father thinks he has screwed her life up again.
Pops called Liz and asked to come back home. He climbed in and told her to drive like an old lady.
They were back in less the five minutes and Liz ignored everyone on the way to find her father.
I heard she yelled at him for an hour for being so stupid then they had a smoke and she forgave him and all was well.
Kids.
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