Dani and Lisas Stories: The Madam W and Blackmama Show

Tags -- Fall_'do', Laughs

Fire, G and Blackmama came out yesterday to help out and came today for the wedding/reception/party.

Fire and G came stag but together. The cutest pairing was Blackmama and Madam W. Blackmama invited her when Madam W said it had been a long time since she had been to a wedding or a party.

Fire gave me a signal from far away to get my ass over there and listen. I had such a hard time keeping myself from laughing.

When Madam W was introduced to a stuck up village socialite snob that thinks she is the best there is, Madam W introduced Blackmama as her attendant.

Mrs. Walter, as she likes to be called (stuffy old cow), asked how Madam W found her attendant and wondered if they were hard to train.

Madam W said her great-great-great-grandmother had deeded Blackmama’s whole family to her a hundred years ago. Her father was her houseman, her mother the cook, her sister was her personal bath attendant and her brother was her chauffeur.

[Side note: Does anyone know what a chauffer (missing u) is? Answer: A table stove or small furnace, usually a cylindrical box of sheet iron, with a grate at the bottom, and an open top. Sometimes I can not speell so Google comes to the rescue but not always.]

Afterwards Madam W apologized for having fun but Blackmama said it was the greatest experience she ever had. She told us she had never acted before and had whispered to Madam W for guidelines. Madam W came up with most of it.

A few times when Mrs. Walters asked something Blackmama would lean over to Madam W and get a quick explanation of what the words meant. She did it like no one was watching – it was great.

Madam W asked for a ‘pick-me-up’ and Blackmama disappeared and returned with a pill and a glass of whiskey.

Madam W did not hesitate, she swallowed them both, coughed hard and thanked her.

Mrs. Walter ordered Blackmama to get her the same thing, referring to Blackmama as ‘you’. Madam W warned her that Blackmama did not always take orders from others.

Mrs. Walter let it be known that she better take orders or she would be sure to do something about it. Typical Mrs. Stupid old cow response.

Blackmama returned with a pill and a glass that I knew did not contain whiskey. It looked liked warm pee – I hoped not.

Mrs. Walter swallowed the pill and glass of liquid and started choking just like Madam W. Her face turned white but after a few minutes she seemed to recover.

Madam W spoke with Fire and I about all her buildings and Mrs. Walter could not contain herself trying to outdo us.

I finally asked Mrs. Walter the number and value of the properties she owned. When she answered five and half a million, Blackmama commented to Madam W it was not very much.

Mrs. Walter wanted her punished immediately for being so uppity.

Madam W asked whatever for.

Fire and I both had to turn away. Blackmama leaned towards Madam W and wondered how this indigent person had been invited to such a grand affair. Keep in mind this was the rehersal dinner last afternoon/evening, not the weeding.

Madam W said she would find out and left telling Blackmama to keep her seat warm. Blackmama put a napkin on the chair but just hovered over it – she did not make contact. The gleam in her eye made Fire laugh.

Mrs. Walter was not happy – she wanted to know how many properties Madam W had. G, using her sweet fuck you voice told her that to join our club you must have at minimum twenty properties and a net worth of at least twenty million.

Mrs. Walter asked who was in the club and we all raised our hands, even the teens. About twelve of us had gathered to watch Blackmama’s performance.

Mrs. Walters seemed to shrink realizing she was way out of her league but she still had her nose way up in the air.

Madam W came back, Blackmama removed the napkin and pretended to polish the seat and helped Madam W sit.

Madam W said that Pops apologized to them all - he does not know how she got past his security. He offered to remove her but she declined for us all – we’d be moving into the cabin soon for our gourmet dinner.

She totally ignored Mrs. Walter even though Mrs. Walter said she did not sneak past security but Liz, who had the floor, totally ignored her and told about this poor old lady who got kicked out of a party for farting too much.

Madam W stood up and thanked Liz reminding her. She told Blackmama she needed to use the restroom. Blackmama asked if she would need her hemorrhoid stuff. Madam W said not this time.

Mrs. Walter was surprised Madam W let ‘her’ use the same bathroom. Madam W stopped and with a look of disgust asked Mrs. Walter how else would she get her ass wiped.

She did a harump and walked away. I excused myself and followed them to the pool bathroom. When I opened the door laughter stopped immediately until they saw me.

Then we all lost it. Blackmama asked if she fired and before I could answer Madam W told her she had a job for her and she would not have to supply the toilet paper.

Liz came in and said that Mrs. Walter was wondering where her section was. She could not think of anything so she told her she would go ask.

Blackmama said she would handle it and asked Liz to help her. By the time Madam W and I had composed ourselves and made our way back to Mrs. Walters, Liz told her to go to the orange fence then turn right and follow it to the end.

Blackmama gave her about two minutes then followed her. Liz grabbed a video camera and ran to the second deck – she yelled that the old fart was headed for the porta-potties.

Blackmama came back after about 5 minutes with a big smile on her face.

Liz came downstairs and was upset she was only able to get a little audio but not much. A tree blocked her view. Liz said Blackmama used so many fifteen dollar words she was sure Mrs. Walters missed the whole point.

Blackmama told her that’s why she gave Mrs. Walters a dictionary so that she could look up the words.

A few minutes later we heard Mrs. Walters complaining to Pops that someone’s slave had been extremely rude and needed to be punished.

We girls ran to see what would happen next. Blackmama rounded the corner and Mrs. Walters pointed her out. Pops looked at Mrs. Walters, the sheriff and mayor then motioned Mrs. Walters over to the fence.

He bent towards her and apologized that he would be not be able to solve her problem. As a matter of fact, after careful consideration and discussion – we all watched Mrs. Walters assume her position of authority – Pops was very happy to give her the following message. She smiled and seemed to grow even taller.

None of us had any idea what was coming. Pops indicated everyone around him and told Mrs. Walters that we had all reached the same decision and agreed that she could go fuck herself.

Blackmama and Madam W lost it. Liz sat down on the floor. Momtoo grabbed her crotch and ran for the bathroom. Mom watched Mrs. Walters and asked if she needed some Depends or an ambulance.

Mrs. Walters, red in the face, waddled towards the exit. Blackmama commented that the little people had to use the service entrance on the side. A guard directed Mrs. Walters towards the side of the cabin.

Pops asked what started it all. Madam W said Mrs. Walters commented on all the undesirables at the party and wondered how Pops and his family could be friends with such ‘people’ especially when they had so many dark friends.

I later found out the pill was a sugar pill and the drink was watered tea with an extreme amount of lemon.

Mom was glad we would not see her again and was sure if she did show up they would only have to let it be known that Madam W was on the way.

The rest of the evening was spent listening to Madam W telling her stories. It was a great time. At one point she had an audience of about seventy in the great room.

Mom told her she had a standing invitation – just give her an hour’s notice so that she could hide the silver.

Madam W said she was too late.

Blackmama said she had taught her everything she knew.

We had a great time.