Wood for Ships – Sep 19 2008 804 by Dani

Tags -- kids, Laughs, Liz

Early morning story.

Early this morning Pops, Liz, Momtoo, Lisa and I were surfing the web, reading our email, doing homework, writing term papers or playing Ann Landers – Momtoo belongs to a group that gives advice to whomever asks – mainly sexual advice.

She got the end of a story a reader had written about her sex life following Momtoo’s advice.

Pops was watching some show he records every morning and watches later – sometimes weeks later –he has a TiVo assigned just for this program – I know, he's anal.

Anyway Liz was trying to figure out a math problem and a guy on TV commented that some girl gave him enough wood to build a ship.

Everyone had stopped all activities so it was perfectly silent (why do I use additional adjectives to describe other adjectives – because it’s my fucking blog).

Moms chuckled and asked Pops if he ever had wood like that. Pops started to answer when Liz asked what that meant.

I could see Momtoo kicking herself for making a sexual comment without thinking. She is sort of worn out.

With the kids around, we can’t be bent over for a Drive-By-Fuck or give the guys a surprise blowjob – we can’t even ‘exhibit’ without risk and we all miss ‘nudism’.

Lisa has apologized several times but it is not her fault – it is life.

Momtoo said Pops nailed her about once an hour since she has been home and Captain visited her this morning. She is worn out.

Lisa has been with Stubby at his place – they are trying to work something out or just want privacy.

Liz has been sleeping in my room with me – nothing sexual except maybe when she noticed I slept nude she tried it and liked it. I am her big sister.

We are very comfortable being naked around each other. Even B and gB are comfortable – we all get ready together in the morning after our showers – putting up each other’s hair, finding the right outfit, the right makeup (very little).

Our latest habit when gB is around is measuring her ‘new’ bra size. She will need a ‘real’ training bra before long.

She confided in me that the water training bra is dangerous. She was making out with her ‘boyfriend’ and he was squeezing her ‘boobs’ – at least he thought he was. He was so gentle she did not feel it.

The next day she wore a baggy shirt and when they started making out he touched her ‘real’ boob and she almost freaked. He wondered why she liked it the day before and not today.

She told him some times it feels good and others it doesn’t. Nobody tried to touch my boobs at 12. Wow.

So back to my story - Momtoo and Pops are both stuttering trying to form an answer when gB and B walk in.

They had heard what was said and what was asked – they were both just waking up and bG probably was on auto pilot when she said, “You know, when a guy’s penis is hard in the morning, it’s called morning wood and the rest of the time it’s just wood.

“They use wood to build ships – it takes a lot – so the guy must really get hard when he sees the girl.”

When she got all the way into the room Momtoo was staring at her. gB asked her what was wrong – Liz and B (and yes – me) were giggling hard.

Pops was trying not to laugh. Momtoo had a stern look on her face. She asked gB where she learned that – she said her step-father used to show her his morning wood and other wood. “He explained it to me”, she finished.

B said it was too bad his wood was more of a stick. gB said stick hell – a twig – Red followed them in with Fish in her arms and said “twig hell, it was a toothpick.”

At that point Pops turned to Liz and asked if she understood – she put a finger to her lips, thought for a moment and asked what a twig was.

She has perfect timing (there goes those multiple fucking ignorant unneeded adjectives again).

Momtoo reported that when she rode with Liz to school (one of us always rides with her as practice to/from school. We make her drive many different vehicles) Liz admitted she knew exactly what morning wood meant - one of the guys her Mom used to date would spend the night and bitch he could not pee with morning wood.

She told Momtoo that at least he looked like a log - a long log. Momtoo had to settle down before she could drive home, she was laughing so hard.

Liz sent Pops a text message telling him to ask Momtoo about a long log she had seen.

I forwarded the text message to Lisa and the classmates in class - we were trying not to laugh but our prof still gave us dirty looks.

Cg1 sent Pops a question - how far was the old Long Log Inn - it's a joke.